The Gospel of Doubt
It's no secret that more and more people are walking away from religion, especially Christianity. In fact, sixty-five million adults in the United States today have already dropped out of active religious attendance, growing by about 2.7 million more yearly. Their reasons for dropping out are complex, numerous, and somewhat out of anyone's control. However, we know many leave or engage because they begin to doubt God, the Bible, or some of the doctrines and practices required by their churches. Many leave because they start to doubt and question the church, synagogue, or mosque as an institution worthy of their trust and support. This is spilling over into every area of life, where old assumptions are being challenged, not just theology and spirituality.
Coming out of the Christian tradition, I can't speak for any other tradition, but I will definitely speak for mine. Historically speaking, having and expressing doubts have been a vital (and necessary) part of the Christian tradition since it began, even before! (I won't speak for my Jewish siblings, who the Christian tradition came out of, but it seems to me doubt is a standard and accepted practice in their tradition). We see doubt expressed several times throughout the Christian sacred texts.
We find the most prominent (in my humble opinion) in Matthew's account of Jesus' life. Towards the end of the text, we find Jesus post-coming-back-FROM-THE-DEAD (yeah, that's not normal), who invites his core group of students to meet him on a mountain. (Matthew 28:16-20). First, we see something we would expect. They honored Jesus (which seems appropriate when someone lives a life full of unique events, speaks of a new way of living, dies, and then comes back to life). Second, we see something we would NOT expect. Some of his best students doubted Jesus was the real deal.
Wait...what?!?!? Why would ANYONE doubt after experiencing all of this?!?!?!
Then the third thing happens—and we really don't expect this—Jesus doesn't say anything about those who are doubting. Neither does Matthew. No one does. What happens instead is Jesus saying, "GO," and then gives his students the big job of teaching other students of Jesus everywhere by showing them how to live this particular and peculiar way of life that Jesus lived, which brought unprecedented healing and wholeness to everyone Jesus encountered.
And that's what they did: doubts and all, and they changed the landscape of their context, many would say the world. It would almost seem that…Doubt is a Doorway to Deeper Faith
Here's the thing... there's a difference between doubting God and doubting one's understanding of God, just as there's a difference between trusting God and trusting our understanding of God. So the question is, would we be open and able to doubt our understanding of God while simultaneously trusting God beyond our understanding? Could we see doubt as a companion, every bit as resilient and persistent as faith? That doubt has some things to teach us? That doubt can be a tough but effective teacher and a difficult but faithful friend? When we do, we find out we are not outgrowing our faith. Instead, we are growing out of one stage of our faith and moving into another one. As we are beginning to see, doubt prepares the way for a new kind of faith after (and with) doubt, a humbled and harmonious faith that expresses itself in love.
As a person of science and faith (degrees and professional experience in both), I will write about the different stages of faith we experience as humans. How doubt is a vital part of how that faith evolves and matures, and how we can be more kind to ourselves and one another as we all make our way through this crazy thing we call life.
Grace and Peace,
Sam